Guilt Tripping through Heroics

I haven't been able to play that much lately, mostly because of IRL things. So, I think this is an excellent opportunity for me to address a little thing that has had me thinking for a while.

Tam recently wrote a post on how some DPS can be utter utter, utter utter sh-, uhm, I mean a slight pain in the neck sometimes. I don't think there are any healers out there that did not have to deal with the sort of situations he has to deal with. What I like about his post, though, is that it clearly shows he has had enough and behaves more assertive in groups. He does not stay to grief or to be a weight the rest of the group has to carry around, he simply states what his problem is, and if it is not resolved, he quits. Whenever I read this type of posts I am in awe of who wrote them, and I decide it's time I step up in my own groups as well. But why is it that I have to read posts about it to make up my mind about behaving like a normal human being in the first place?

The Bossy Pally already addressed part of the issue. She points out she puts up with some behaviour because she doesn't want to be perceived as a whiny overly sensitive girl. When I read it, I agreed with her completely. In situations like the one she describes, her explanation does fit. But I tried to look at the wider scope. Why do we put up with any bad behaviour at all? We wouldn't do it in our actual lives. If we get harassed and yelled at by complete strangers, we call the police or yell back at them. Why do we meekly do as they say online?

At first, I pointed at The Panties In A Wad (tm) argument to explain why I put up with people. Then, however, something strange happened. (As a complete coincidence, might I point out. I do not think my thoughts and the following are linked in a causal manner.) Pocky started to get some heat in heroics. He admitted to me that he had not been on the top of his game, and he had been making some mistakes, but for me that is besides the point. He is the tank. If DPS pulls before he has aggro, or before he is anywhere close to where the DPS is pulling, they made a mistake, not him. If they then get transformed into bloody splatters on the floor, it is not the tank's fault either. Yes, he has ways to pull aggro back onto him, but they're not supposed to be part of his standard routine. He has them for very bad situations only. That is made quite clear by the CD Blizzard put on those skills. However, he was being treated like he was a bad tank, just because he had an off-few-days and only did an average job. (Otherwise, I am really happy to inform you, he is an excellent tank. Rocks my socks, seriously.)

Pocky should not be worried about having His Panties In A Wad (tm), because, quite simply, he is a man. Still, he follows the morons and idiots around to make sure he pulls everything off them, even when the good players in the group clearly need a break (mana or otherwise).

I will unveil my theory in a moment, but first I would like a small amount of your time and take you back on memory lane. From the earliest moments in our lives, (if all is well) we have had a mother to take care of us. Those first few years we would have done anything for her. She is the light of our lives. But then, that gradually changes, and sometimes she even becomes the bane of our existence. Still, we do everything she asks of us in the exact way she likes it to be done. Why? Because she guilt trips us into it. Remember the disappointed look? The slight raise of the eyebrows and the twinge right next to her mouth? The hitch in her voice that tells you you're upsetting her (and she will make your life miserable if you do!)? (Ok, maybe I'm taking this a bit too far, I'm sure you get the point.)

That is why we are vulnerable to those evil DPS'ers. Something drives us to please these people, to be praised about the job we're doing. And so we all shut up and nod when they're behaving like the bags of sh-, air, they are.

The bad news is that they won't stop after a reasonable argument, and we will be the ones feeling bad about it.

The good news is that it is perfectly reversible. Because, unlike our mums, these people have absolutely no hold over us. We are not their children. And, even more perfectly, they probably have the same training from their mothers. So, my brethren, I cry for justice in the form of the Mummy Treatment. Imagine all of the extremely annoyingly effective things that your mother has ever said to you, from the time she pulled out the baby pictures in front of your friends to the time she barged into your room/house during a crucial bossfight, and then slam them down on those prepubescent pottymouths. They will not know what hit them. Don't get angry, get disappointed!

I would also like to use this opportunity to call for some more tank-loving. All of you healers out there, remember to hug a tank today. They need the TLC just as much as you do. And maybe you can gang up on the baddies, that way?

~Ari

PS: Please note that I refer to -bad- DPS in this post. The stress is on bad, not on DPS (not all DPS is bad). I'm well aware they come in all shapes and sizes, these players. There are healers and tanks like it too. I am not easily exposed to them because I usually know my tank will be Pocky. (Unless I'm on alts.) However, the Mummy Treatment will be just as effective on them, so don't hesitate to apply it.